Naughty Cheop Caught In Barbie Bedtime Scandal!!!

Daily Catspress - Commander Cheop The Cat has been photographed dalliancing with a female HUMAN! And not just any female HUMAN - a plastic female HUMAN!

KittyNet photographers on a routine surveillance mission snapped the V3 Commander unawares while he luxuriated and cat-vorted with one "Barbie The Plastic (female) Human". Cheop The Cat, who has only just recovered from the "Dickens Scandal", in which the Commander was seen to publically and dramatically waffle on his stance toward a new tiny cat cadet, Dickens (now "Oliver") . He publically and dramtically decried the kitten as a menace and enemy, then was photographed the same week breaking bread with the little chap. He had been regaining his credibility and had bolstered his public image with the recently announced "Cheopic Precepts".

This is a devastating blow to the Commander's reputation and all KittyNet will be on pins and needles to see if he can pull a rabbit out of the hat - with those rabbit-like paws of his - once more.

At this writing neither Cheop nor Barbie The Plastic HUMAN could be reached for comment.



- 8978s-mew - stand by for following trans. #82349- -- end

Breath of War

Commander Cheop has had two rotten teeth removed.

Now his breath smells like a spring rain, and his manner is uncharacteristically relaxed and cheerful. Without the foul breath stink, the Commander's authority and charisma have mushroomed. And I see now that he is truly the one who shall lead us to victory against the HUMANS. I am his servant. I shall follow him always.

But first...

...DISCO DANCING!!!

Portrait of a Freedom Fighter

Unnamed KittyNet Freedom Fighter (foreground) resists the HUMAN menace.

Breath Weapon

Dear Sirs:

It has long been common knowledge that Commander Cheop's breath is...

...his breath is...

One of the most formidable weapons employed by Commander Cheop in his noble struggle against the HUMAN MENACE is his mighty and admirable breath.

His breath is potent. His breath is daring. His breath is...is potent.

The weapon is so effective, so perfectly deadly, that we here at THE V3 wonder if we have the proper safety equipment to properly manage it. The source of the stink - er, I mean - the key to the weapon's efficacy - lies in the neglect of Commander Cheop's dental hygiene. Perhaps KittyNet might send some kind of...send a...send a Dental Hygienist? Send help. Help. Any help at all.

Yours,

- Vladia Velocicat