The Cheopic Precepts

In my efforts to perfect my wisdom - and when I say "perfect" I mean "extoll" or "celebrate" - I have developed several meditation points, which I feel might benefit all KittyNet members were they to be recited and dwelt 'pon throughout the many strenuous hours of never-ending struggle against the HUMAN menace.

I will be requiring my agents here at the V3 to recite the precepts at sunset and at sunrise and at sunset. Also at noon. Also after the morning feeding and after the evening feeding. Before and after using the catbox too. I think it is best to start out slowly and later build up to more frequent repetitions, and so I think this schedule is sufficient for now.

THE PRECEPTS

i. Cheop is Commander of the V3. He is Commander of us all. All of
us. We feel awe and shame in his presence. We must give him food to prove
ourselves worthy.

ii. Form is emptiness, emptiness is form. Emptiness can only be
filled by form in the form of food. Cheop is emptiness incarnate.

iii. The HUMANS are evil. Cheop is good.

iv. Enlightenment is attainable only through extinguishing the self.
Extinguishing the self is only attainable through enlightenment. Cheop is great
and we worship him.

v. May the Eternal Powers grant safety, power, and comfort to
Cheop - a whole lot of it.

vi. Cheop is my shepherd. I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down
in places where he is not lying down.

vii. Yea, Cheop is a mighty and jealous God. Let oil and fishflakes
therefore be given unto him as an offering and let no one eat before him.

viii. My body is to be an object of sport for Cheop, let him claw it
and smack it around as his rage and whim doth dictate.

ix. The Cheop that can be named is not the Eternal Cheop, therefore
let us not speak his name aloud, but instead address him as "Divine Master",
"Lord", or "The ALL". (also "His Radiance" - see above)

x. May Cheop's reign over the HUMANS last a billion billion
years.

I'd be happy to hear any feedback you may have.

- Cheop "Divine Master" The Cat