New Small Black Cat Report

Vladia Velocicat here reporting to KittyNet my findings on the new black small cat in the cage in the bathroom:

The cat is small.

The cat is black.

This is a new cat.

The cat is a boy cat.

The cat can run.

I was able to chase the new cat very well.

The new cat was able to chase me very well.

I have done a full hiss and swat test on the small new black cat and I do not believe he is a security risk.

During the interrogation, I got his story:

His mother was run over by a car. Don't know why. Commander Cheop is pressing me to suggest that the mother was launching an attack on the car in an act of anti-human heroism. Have heard no evidence to support however.

Have heard no evidence to support--AT THIS TIME (Cheop made me write that).

A passing female human stopped to help. The human saw that the mother was not alive anymore--and that she had a tiny kitten in her mouth. The human knelt down to examine the two dead heroes (Commander C's word) and was surprised to find the kitten was alive and apparently unharmed. The kitten was brought to Sante D'Or Foundation, the same cat shelter and adoption agency that brought me and my brothers off the street...

(Commander Cheop saying I should replace "adoption agency" with "detention facility")

...So the new black cat is awaiting adoption into a human home. I would like to submit a request to KittyNet (see attached form 38B.3) that he be placed in some easy field post and observed for possible agent work. I recommend him highly.

Must end now. Birds on feeder.

Thank you for allowing me to be of service,

Vladia Velocicat

ADDENDUM: The new small black cat said that he thought Command Cheop resembled Godzilla.